I hate the crossroads of life...... Ya know what I'm talking about when I say 'crossroads'. That point in life where you have really big decisions to make and you just aren't ready to make them. The choices that effect not only you, but everybody in the house.
I am going crazy in my own head right now and don't know how to stop it. I want to stay home and go to school full time. But I'm poor. Therefore, I need a job. I get a job and then school seems impossible. That is a minor problem.
The kids go nuts. That makes me nuts. They get cranky, then I get cranky. Jared is always cranky and Daddy just tries to hide most of the time. It seems like everything I touch falls apart. I'm hardly ever happy these days. I can't stop stressing over every little thing and every big thing. I just want to run away.
Then I feel guilty. Because I want to run away and hide. The house can't fit 5 people in it. Yes, 5 people in a 2 bedroom. Daddy has a room. The kids share a room and Jared and I get the living room floor on a twin size mattress. No alone time for us. No privacy, no nothing. I fight with the kids. I fight with Jared. I have nobody to talk too. And I can't figure out why it feels like I'm in the middle of the desert with no water. Too many choices to be made and no help. Every time I make a choice it hurts somebody. Why does it feel like I always do things alone?
I hear people talk about support systems all the time. But I kinda don't have one. I am the support system for some people, but for some reason it doesn't come back to me.... How can one person have so many people in there life and still be so completely alone?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Summer Fun Starts
Summer Time Is Here!! For me and mine, summer doesn't get to start until May 1st of every year. It doesn't matter what the calender says, because it's wrong anyway. It is hot from March until October around my part of Texas, so therefore, it is either winter or summer. But, we don't start playing in the water until May 1st. This was an absolutely perfect 1st day for our family.
I slept late. Yeah Me! The kids were going nuts, of course. And Jared was extra motivated this particular day for some reason. He was ready for summer and the water hose too I think. We headed for the local Wal-Mart to buy a Slip-N-Slide. (Wal-Mart, huh, imagine that) As we are driving, big, fat, globby rain starts to fall. And Jared ask why we are about spend money on a Slip-N-Slide when it is raining. Of course I tell him, because the children will love it and it is a good thing. Even though it was his idea to begin with. A good one though. It starts raining so hard that the lights in Wally World go out a few times while we are shopping. Great! We are trying to plan a family day and the next "Great Flood" is falling upon us. Anyway, we still get all the junk needed to make a complete and total mess of the front yard.
When we get home, it's perfect. It was almost like the rain stopped at the Newton County line, because not one single rain drop fell in Deweyville. The kids are bouncing and jumping wanting to know what we bought 'in town'. Then they see the prize and go crazy!! Of course Zane, the neighbors' boy, is out playing with the kids. And he just knows that he gets to be part of the fun also.
Jared and T-Ray, the neighbor, go about setting up the latest version of Slip-N-Slide. Naturally it is like 50 times better than the ones from 1985 that we all used. It takes a relatively short amount of time to accomplish this. Even with 3 children running, bouncing, screaming, looking and digging around them. Trying to help of course. All go in the houses and emerge in bathing suits. (Adults included).
The kids now have half of the neighborhood over by now. I think it is a new toy thing. And the fun begins! Yeah! The kids look like wet seals (or penguins) as they slide down the bright yellow sheet of plastic full of water. It was a rough start for them all though. This is the first toy of its kind this year. Do you remember how to run full speed and belly flop without hurting yourself? If you remember it they way I remember it, there really is an art to it. Take comfort, they are quick learners. And as it turns out, it's like riding bicycle. You never forget. I know this personally, as Mommy and Jared and T-Ray all went down the bright yellow plastic like wet seals also! But these days the plastic is of better quality, because we never had to get the dish soap out to slick it up. All in all the day was perfect and very memorable. I loved it.
I slept late. Yeah Me! The kids were going nuts, of course. And Jared was extra motivated this particular day for some reason. He was ready for summer and the water hose too I think. We headed for the local Wal-Mart to buy a Slip-N-Slide. (Wal-Mart, huh, imagine that) As we are driving, big, fat, globby rain starts to fall. And Jared ask why we are about spend money on a Slip-N-Slide when it is raining. Of course I tell him, because the children will love it and it is a good thing. Even though it was his idea to begin with. A good one though. It starts raining so hard that the lights in Wally World go out a few times while we are shopping. Great! We are trying to plan a family day and the next "Great Flood" is falling upon us. Anyway, we still get all the junk needed to make a complete and total mess of the front yard.
When we get home, it's perfect. It was almost like the rain stopped at the Newton County line, because not one single rain drop fell in Deweyville. The kids are bouncing and jumping wanting to know what we bought 'in town'. Then they see the prize and go crazy!! Of course Zane, the neighbors' boy, is out playing with the kids. And he just knows that he gets to be part of the fun also.
Jared and T-Ray, the neighbor, go about setting up the latest version of Slip-N-Slide. Naturally it is like 50 times better than the ones from 1985 that we all used. It takes a relatively short amount of time to accomplish this. Even with 3 children running, bouncing, screaming, looking and digging around them. Trying to help of course. All go in the houses and emerge in bathing suits. (Adults included).
The kids now have half of the neighborhood over by now. I think it is a new toy thing. And the fun begins! Yeah! The kids look like wet seals (or penguins) as they slide down the bright yellow sheet of plastic full of water. It was a rough start for them all though. This is the first toy of its kind this year. Do you remember how to run full speed and belly flop without hurting yourself? If you remember it they way I remember it, there really is an art to it. Take comfort, they are quick learners. And as it turns out, it's like riding bicycle. You never forget. I know this personally, as Mommy and Jared and T-Ray all went down the bright yellow plastic like wet seals also! But these days the plastic is of better quality, because we never had to get the dish soap out to slick it up. All in all the day was perfect and very memorable. I loved it.
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